Practical science

While using the toddler-height urinal at work yesterday, I remembered something odd I once heard from (or about) a girl: she could tell a man's penis size just by listening to him pee. The louder the noise, the longer the hose, she claimed. Why? Because the closer the stream starts to the bowl, the harder it hits the water.

Hmm. So many routes to take on the how-can-you-be-so-wrong train ...

1. Anyone who's been in a pissing contest can tell you that their stream is not faster than a speeding bullet. In fact, a quick back-of-the-napkin calculation shows an approximate exit speed of 5mph. Water's freefall speed is 10-15mph - the stream would hit the bowl harder if gravity's allowed to act on it for a while (exactly contradicting the basis of her evaluation).
2. The noise is probably impacted by the flux of the stream (essentially, the cross-section of fluid) which could vary dramatically from man to man.
3. The noise is also impacted by where in the toilet he's aiming. Perhaps he's playing target practice against the side of the bowl?
4. Perhaps the man was not standing entirely straight up, thus decreasing the distance?
5. Perhaps the bowl was less full, thus increasing the distance?
6. Perhaps her estimate of just where the spout starts is a bit off ... we do have different length legs after all!
7. Perhaps there's different ambient noise, changing the perception of the stream impact?

The first point requires some physics knowledge and will therefore not be accessibly to most people. The second requires a realization about anatomy, that again, could be tricky. The third could be something women don't think about, but any man could clarify. The last several may sound jokey, but this is a scenario where being off by a few inches could lead to serious mis-evaluation (and surprise/disappointment) ... and these are also things that anyone should be able to come up with to realize their foolproof penis evaluation system is just foolish.

Teach science. Teach math. Teach logic. Teach critical thinking. Measure penises with a ruler.