Practical science

While using the toddler-height urinal at work yesterday, I remembered something odd I once heard from (or about) a girl: she could tell a man's penis size just by listening to him pee. The louder the noise, the longer the hose, she claimed. Why? Because the closer the stream starts to the bowl, the harder it hits the water.

Hmm. So many routes to take on the how-can-you-be-so-wrong train ...

1. Anyone who's been in a pissing contest can tell you that their stream is not faster than a speeding bullet. In fact, a quick back-of-the-napkin calculation shows an approximate exit speed of 5mph. Water's freefall speed is 10-15mph - the stream would hit the bowl harder if gravity's allowed to act on it for a while (exactly contradicting the basis of her evaluation).
2. The noise is probably impacted by the flux of the stream (essentially, the cross-section of fluid) which could vary dramatically from man to man.
3. The noise is also impacted by where in the toilet he's aiming. Perhaps he's playing target practice against the side of the bowl?
4. Perhaps the man was not standing entirely straight up, thus decreasing the distance?
5. Perhaps the bowl was less full, thus increasing the distance?
6. Perhaps her estimate of just where the spout starts is a bit off ... we do have different length legs after all!
7. Perhaps there's different ambient noise, changing the perception of the stream impact?

The first point requires some physics knowledge and will therefore not be accessibly to most people. The second requires a realization about anatomy, that again, could be tricky. The third could be something women don't think about, but any man could clarify. The last several may sound jokey, but this is a scenario where being off by a few inches could lead to serious mis-evaluation (and surprise/disappointment) ... and these are also things that anyone should be able to come up with to realize their foolproof penis evaluation system is just foolish.

Teach science. Teach math. Teach logic. Teach critical thinking. Measure penises with a ruler.

Red, Yellow, Blue and Green

I recently took Insights training at work. It's a system that assesses personality types. In case you're thinking "this is kinda kooky", the dimensions were referred to as "color energies", which made me think of Jane Lynch's character in A Might Wind explaining that they were part of WINC: Witches in Night's Colors. It's crazy to worship some man with a beard in the sky. They are simply just in tune with the 47th vibration of nature. Anyone who gives these things a thought would surely come to the same conclusion.

Each color represents a personality dimension; each color has a tagline as well.
Red: "Be brief, be bright, be gone". Alternatively, "let's get this done and move on"
Yellow: "Involve me"
Blue: "Give me details". Alternatively, "I want to consider all my options"
Green: "Show me you care"
A personality profile is the measured percentage each of these applies. I was red=75, yellow=67, blue=63, green=21.

As you may have guessed, engineers are heavily blue. Probably three quarters of our class (70 people) were at least 50 percent blue. Maybe a third of us were 50 percent red. This may be why I hate the 6 engineers order 3 pizzas scenario.

Surprisingly I found that people's colors really did line up with what I thought of them, and the recommendations the accompanying packet had for how best to and not to interact with me also made a lot of sense. I even cross-checked for the horoscope approach (put a little bit of everything in there, jumbled up and sliced this way and that so that everyone finds something they identify with) and didn't find it in there. The most interesting one of these was "do let him know he's in control." At first I resisted being portrayed as domineering, but then took it another way: don't involve me unless I have some control over the outcome. It's true! This is one of my pet peeves from both angles: why would you waste your time getting my input if you don't really need it? How does it help you get where you need to go? Yep, I'm red... and that other guy, clearly blue :)

Are Republicans more socialist than Democrats?

Probably not, in any commonly used sense of the word and I don't think any raw numbers quite bear this out ... but!

If we use Medicaid and Social Security as barometers of a socialist system, we could argue Republicans are actually more socialist, because they so steadfastly insist such systems are untouchable, because the party is buoyed by old people who rely on those services. I suppose it could really be more selfish than socialist .... it just doesn't jive with their "earn it" motto?

How to drive like an idiot

Would you randomly weave back and forth over a lane line on a straight road?
How about on a curved road?

No, and no.

Then why do it on the curved road that happens to pass through an intersection????

Engineers and driving

How long does it take 2 engineers to make a 5 minute drive?
15 minutes: 5 minutes to make the drive, and 10 minutes to argue the merits of reasonable paths, none of which would take more than 7 minutes.

There's something addictive about being able to be right just for the sake of being right.

Engineers and pizzas

How do 6 engineers select toppings for 3 pizzas?
They find all the ingredients everyone likes, then select variations of those for each.

Why? Because engineers love to "solve the problem perfectly", and what can be more perfect than everyone liking every pizza? Then the 24 slices can be split in any proportion, everyone has options, and so on.

In reality this approach just guarantees that no one is unhappy. Likely it means that people's favorite ingredients are left off. And now you know why Microsoft Office is ... so ... just there.

Addicted to "Love"

Think of the worst couple you know ... yeah, those two.
What does the one see in the other? Why are they still together? How can they insist they love the other?

It actually makes sense. For that couple to have stayed together this long, [at least] one had to convince themselves they really love the other. They amplify that abstract ideal and cling more and more to it despite there being nothing substantial behind it. In a sense it's like a bad addiciton: bit by bit they delude themselves they are better off; ignoring all objective considerations that say otherwise.